I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
