just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Of course I have a pirate flag
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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