Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
please come you make the beer taste better
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
