I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
