but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize