There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
