I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Randomize
