I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
