Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
