I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
