i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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