I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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