when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
