Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
