just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
