I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
