My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
