Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
