he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
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I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
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I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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