Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Randomize
