amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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