a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
