My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
