Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
