Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
