I'm gonna have a badass scar
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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