The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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