Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
