i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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