i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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