My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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