You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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