I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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