i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
