thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
