you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
