i need an iv and a liver transplant
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
