I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
