apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
