Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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