Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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