What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
