Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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