Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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