Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
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As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
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I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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