theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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