FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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