I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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