I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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