went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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