I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
