Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
