Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
