how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard