Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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