even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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