Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen