Texts From Last Night

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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I smell stomach acid.

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  (304): I smell stomach acid. http://tfl.nu/n8wy
  Replies (13) Good night (864) Bad night (2940)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.

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  (917): its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny. http://tfl.nu/2ipn
  Replies (10) Good night (883) Bad night (4312)
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  (916): View more from California

  We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.

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  (916): We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever. http://tfl.nu/dui8
  Replies (12) Good night (4085) Bad night (1324)
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  (631): View more from New York

  I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.

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  (631): I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate. http://tfl.nu/leco
  Replies (8) Good night (852) Bad night (2982)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.

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  (732): i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up. http://tfl.nu/3kb7
  Replies (21) Good night (4449) Bad night (1237)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.

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  (317): Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid. http://tfl.nu/n6yk
  Replies (5) Good night (1266) Bad night (1439)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.

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  (407): Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore. http://tfl.nu/4mr1
  Replies (23) Good night (2350) Bad night (969)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"

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  (802): when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us" http://tfl.nu/ho4p
  Replies (3) Good night (1422) Bad night (499)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.

  (1-413): View more from Massachusetts

  A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.

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  (413): Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens. (1-413): A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck. http://tfl.nu/qib0
  Replies (9) Good night (1464) Bad night (624)
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  (213): View more from California

  Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20

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  (213): Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20 http://tfl.nu/udx8
  Replies (8) Good night (1338) Bad night (534)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.

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  (404): I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry. http://tfl.nu/xlvi
  Replies (1) Good night (674) Bad night (404)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.

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  (602): Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party. http://tfl.nu/kcfz
  Replies (1) Good night (376) Bad night (321)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.

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  (732): We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man. http://tfl.nu/m7bs
  Replies (2) Good night (322) Bad night (513)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.

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  (402): He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down. http://tfl.nu/utxf
  Replies (0) Good night (676) Bad night (198)
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  (279): View more from

  Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.

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  (279): Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self. http://tfl.nu/wxz9
  Replies (1) Good night (417) Bad night (157)

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