Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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