Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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