i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
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don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
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Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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