I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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