we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
