My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
