On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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