i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
