so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
