i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
