I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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