Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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