What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
