im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So much rum. So many feels.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
