when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
