she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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