I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
